I sit here in the most strange of spots mentally today. To some degree, I want to work. I love writing! I love going out and pursing stories! I love talking to and meeting people. It’s one of my favorite things ever, and I’m so blessed by God to have it.
Yet I know, consciously, that this semi-rainy Friday is the only opportunity I’ll have to rest my mind and pursue my own endeavors until at until next Friday. To some degree, I know I need to go play! I need to go run across the field at Anderson Hall screaming and jumping up and down in excitement at this beautiful and chaotic and terrifying and wonderful life while I’ve got the time to expend the energy. I know I need to because come tomorrow, it’s a two-day reserve duty weekend in Topeka with a Sunday fitness test, then right into work Sunday night and then no stopping until next weekend. This is, in a very practical sense, the only day I DON’T have to either fight boredom or pursue everything that I want, with all my might. I know this is true, because I did it not last weekend but the weekend before, minus the fitness test. So I know every ounce of me needs to play. Every ounce of me needs to rest my adult mind and exercise my inner child so it stays healthy.
But then at the same time I’m enthralled at the fact that this work never stops :). There’s ALWAYS more to pursue! Always another story! Always another victim and yet always another tale of triumph to tell! There’s always more we as an organization can do, and always more that I feel driven so passionately to do! Always more limits of myself to push in that regard, knowing my readers are unknowingly grateful because such efforts show through the quality of well-written and well-edited articles. It’s that pursuit and the curiosity to find such things that compels me to want to work even when I know I shouldn’t because I need to take a rare chance and just be a kid for a day, so I can keep that side of me strong. We, as a society, need more adults who know how to be both adults and kids at the same time, and can flip between the two well enough that they compliment each other. I firmly believe that. Workaholism, like that which plagues and somehow satisfies my father, is the enemy of childlike enthusiasm. And yet somehow I wonder if it’s the combination of both that can end up being my hidden strength in this world.
So while I know I seek to control each of these things, I seek also to let both free.
I write this today so that you will know the curious struggle I face in my head. To write, to work but yet to play, or not to write and not to work and thus not to play while going out and finding other ways to play, that is thus the question I ask myself.
It’s a question I love to ponder and seek to figure out. It’s also one I never do. Like I said, there’s always something to pursue.